Shocked
by Calm77
Summary: A Cloud goes back in time fic with a dash of humor. Not sure there will be any pairings yet. Might be SxC. Might not. Might be none.
1. Chapter 1

_Shocked_

Typos fixed.

Disclaimer: Nah, it ain't mine.

A/N: Alright, it's abit different than my usual. Just wondering what one of those Cloud-back-in-time fics with a dash of humor would turn out like. Style's a wee bit different than my usual work. Pairings are completely undecided so let me know what you guys think and I'll see if any'll fit, k?

Very little shocked Zachary Fair anymore. Since he'd been the practical joker of Gongaga, _and_ SOLDIER, worked for ShinRa, and been a fierce fighter in the Wutai war he figured he'd seen it all.

Well, he hadn't.

It wasn't the pub he was shocked over. No sirree, he knew _all_ the places that served alcohol near every SOLDIER barracks he'd been stationed at. Junon's was nice but nothing to be shocked over. Crowd wasn't anything out of the ordinary either. Sure, Seph was out with'em but it was pretty normal here. Whole of SOLDIER worshipped the man, so of course he was going to spend time with his Firsts. Guy wasn't half bad in Zack's opinion. Little formal but a fun guy when he loosened up abit. Wasn't doing anything shocking, would've been _very_ odd if he did.

Nope, it was the shorter blond man with the buster-style sword that had shocked him. Guy was wearing black armor. Had Mako eyes but Zack'd never seen him before. Figured him for some ex-SOLDIER visiting his old turf or something. Zack hadn't paid him much mind. The guy'd been minding his own business in a corner, not staring or doing anything rude. Seemed like a nice guy. Pretty but nice. He'd managed to let the drunken troopers who'd mistaken him for a girl down easy enough. Made the whole bar laugh a few times.

'Course nobody was gonna leave a guy with Mako eyes alone in a SOLDIER bar for long. So the guys had dragged him out of his corner, pestered him with questions, and told him stories. Guy'd already paid his tab and was 'bout to leave when they'd bombarded the poor bastard with more. Braggin' 'bout Seph and how good he was. _Perfect_ they said. Usual stories they told everyone they could get their hands on every night.

Then he'd done the thing that'd shocked Zack. He'd turned, looked Seph straight in the eye (quite a feat for a nobody) and said _You have my condolences._ Said it with a straight face an' all. Look in his eyes had Zack wondering how old he really was, his eyes could've belonged to Zack's grandpa.

Seph had blinked, surprised as the rest of'em. Asked they, man why he was giving him _condolences_ for fuck's sake. Guy just smiled at him. Nice smile, not a mean malicious one. Said _It must suck to be perfect._

Then he left. Just like that. No stammering, staring, starry eyes, no nothin'. Whole bar staring after him. Seph staring after him. Just up and left, the Glorioso General paying attention to him or no. Zack'd been the first one to break the silence.

_Wow, guy's got balls. That's one cool customer._ Entire bar managed to agree with him without saying an actual word. Guess he wasn't the only one floored.

Seph didn't say much the rest of the night. Just kinda stared at the door absentmindedly, like he could will the guy back.

Asked Zack who the guy was the next day. Turned out _nobody_ knew who the stranger was, they'd never seen him before and he hadn't left a name. So Seph'd asked Zack to see if he could find the guy.

Likely Zack was planning on finding the guy anyway. Man had _balls._ He was worth knowing.

TBC? Review please?


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Ain't mine.

A/N: Okay guys what's the point of putting the story on alert and not reviewing? Really. And if I don't get any other opinions on pairings then it might turn into an SxC or CxS story here, 'cause that's what I'm hearing right now. And yes there will be different perspectives in this story.

Finding the stranger turned out to be a hell of a lot harder than Zack had thought it _should_ be. Just how many short blond men in black with blue SOLDIER eyes _were_ there? Thing people seemed to remember most was that the guy was _pretty_. Not the big sword, the old glowing SOLDIER eyes, or the spiky bright blond hair. Nope it was that he was _pretty_. Showed what guys paid attention to. Some of'em still thought he was a girl.

Some guy called'im prettier than the _girls_ in town. Well, Zack thought he was right (Seph still beat'im but that was 'cause Seph wasn't quite _human_ lookin', bit _alien_ in Zack's opinion. You just couldn't compare the two.) but that was beside the point. It was _not_ helping him find the bastard.

Which annoyed Seph. Never a good idea. Guy was a real grouch when annoyed. Meant life at work was gonna really _suck_. So he'd better find this guy. Fast. Zack _liked_ not having to proofread. And he was _curious _damnit. What kinda guy had _guts_ to just walk out like that?

Why Seph wanted to talk to the dude was beyond Zack. Hadn't _thought_ the guy'd offended Seph _that_ much. Might be wrong though, he'd been before…First time he'd met Reno the guy'd been undercover in drag and Zack'd thought he really _was_ a gal.

Usually ended up in embarrassment for Zack and whoever else was involved. Better not try to think too much. Wasn't his strong suit. Usually made an ass out of himself.

But come _on_ where the hell could the guy have _gone_? Like he just went 'poof' into thin air. Time to call for back up.

That meant the Turks. They found people who were hiding for a living, they could find one guy who was just meandering around, right?

_So he's a pretty short blond guy and that's all people remember 'bout him? That's _all_ we've got to go on? No name, nothin'? _Reno hadn't been too thrilled with Zack's description. Guy just didn't get it.

_No, Reno, he not just pretty short__, he's _pretty_, like prettier than girls pretty. It's the thing everyone remembers 'bout'im. _

_So we're looking for a pretty boy? Zack, yo, didn't know ya swung that way man-_

_Reno! Weren't you listening? Guy had the balls to just up an' flat out _leave_ with Seph an' the whole bar paying attention to'im. He's worth knowing man. Bet you'd like him! Dude didn't even look back._

It'd taken some wheedling, cajoling, threatening, an' bribin' but Zack'd eventually gotten the Turks onboard. Zack was very, very grateful to what alcohol did to Reno's disposition. 'Course it also got the guy out of the office so Zack figured he'd done the Turk a _favor._ Wasn't going to tell the man _Seph_ wanted to talk to the guy too.

Now all he had to do was _find_ the elusive bastard. He hoped this little rat race was entertaining _someone_. It'd be just his luck if the guy found him first…


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Not mine. Duh.

A/N: Still haven't decided about the pairings, partially because I'm not sure where the story's going. So let me know what you think and I'll see what fits.

He hadn't realized someone was following him at first, but he was so used to checking for tails it hadn't taken too long for him to figure it out. ShinRa had never trained their SOLDIERs for much outside of the battlefield and the ones following must've been sleeping in _that_ class. Cloud couldn't quite understand why, it'd been one of the more interesting classes they forced recruits to take.

Losing them hadn't been any trouble. Watching half of SOLDIER fall over themselves trying to find him was _funny_. When the Turks joined in it was even funnier because they weren't really any better than the SOLDIERs. Might've been worse. SOLDIER hadn't beaten anyone up. Or stolen any silverware.

Figured it might be a better idea to show himself before people started dying or something drastic happened. Being a wanted man was starting to annoy him.

Zack hadn't been particularly happy about his method though.

_Hey! What're you – put those down! _Alright, holding Zack's reports hostage wasn't very nice but neither was stalking. They weren't really Zack's reports but he didn't know that yet. Wasn't _Cloud's_ fault if he hadn't checked.

_I hear you're looking for me. Why?_ He was _busy_ damnit, had things to do! Time didn't just stand still because Zack had questions. If he didn't like it then too bad. This wasn't a social visit anyway. It didn't matter if Zack was happy.

_General wants to talk to you. Didn't say why. Put the papers down man! They take _hours_ to fill out, seriously._

Oh wonderful. Sephiroth the Great wants to _talk_ so they knock on every door in town trying to find him. Why did the man need to destroy the world anyway? He was already a God to SOLDIER. Could've taken over ShinRa without even intending to. All he had to do was make an off-hand comment! Man had to be really _thick_ if he didn't realize that. Or maybe all that responsibility had made him insane? Cloud felt a headache coming on. Knew he wasn't being fair but _damn._ Less thinking, more action. Right.

_So half of SOLDIER and the Turks are going door to door like girl scouts trying to find me because the General mentioned he wanted to _talk_ to me? Why not just put out a broad cast or get a plane to skywrite it? Or _ask_ instead of attempted abduction? Maybe a note?_

None of those thoughts must've occurred to Zack since all he did was blink. And blink again. Well, he wasn't going to get any answers here. Time to go.

_I'm outta here._ And he was. But not without dropping the stack of paper he'd been playing with in the small fire he'd started in the metal trash bin. Watching Zack yelp in terror at the 'loss' of his reports was great, but the really priceless part was Zack's face when he saw what was on his desk.

The reports were still on the desk. He'd burned a ShinRa manual. Used the cover for origami cranes.

Zack didn't need to know _all_ the reports and papers weren't there though. He'd never know the difference anyway. His porn magazine collection was untouched, he didn't care about the rest. It wasn't like he _read_ reports. Cloud was pretty sure the man was nearly illiterate anyway. Only things he remembered were _movie_ quotes. Lots of movie quotes. And he'd never know Cloud had made molds of his keys, memorized his ID number and password, copied his hard drive, set up a recording device on his phoneline, and stolen his alias ID.

He'd be too preoccupied by the origami cranes. The head moved if you pulled the tail. And they were shiny. Perfect diversion.

On to his next objective. Cloud supposed it was probably best if he dropped by to chat with the General. It was on the way anyway. Be rude to not stop by.

Now take one second an review. It's not hard.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: Alright, still trying to figure out where this tale is headed exactly. It might end up with two versions, or I might make another pairingless one. Let me know what you guys think. I'll try to keep this one updated as regularly as possible.

Some guys were easily distracted. A shiny, moveable object was the _perfect_ diversion. Cloud was pretty sure Sephiroth the Great wouldn't be distracted by origami cranes. Even shiny ones with moveable appendages.

Wasn't going to stop him though. Knew what _would_ distract him. See, Sephiroth had been raised by ShinRa for the sole purpose of working for ShinRa. Least Cloud was going on that assumption. Guy'd have duty ingrained in'im pretty deeply. Meant he'd probably compulsively salute flags, straighten ribbons and metals gone askew, and finish paperwork without really reading but kinda filling it out on auto pilot.

If the hypothesis didn't work, he'd cross that bridge when he got to it.

Had to mess up the stuff on the hallway walls and open the window in the General's office. On a windy day. Should keep the man occupied for _hours_. Throwing in a few flags wouldn't hurt either…

Better work. He had a job to do, and it had a _deadline_. Not to mention he'd have to be making some pretty important decisions soon.

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Hadn't gotten the guy's name. Shit.

Zack wasn't sure if he was annoyed or not. Blondie'd gotten the drop on'im. Scared 'im shitless too. Man, Zack had _nightmares_ about redoing piles that big. Hell was probably a dim little grey room where ya read meaningless reports and filled out forms for eternity. Without coffee. Or doughnuts.

But _damn_ Zack liked the guy. Just what a SOLDIER ought to be. Gutsy, cool, _and_ stylish. Bugged 'im that he just couldn't get anything out of the dude though. Was First-class, best of the best and he hadn't even thought of asking the guy's name. Hadn't been thinking of much outside of _oh no, not the paperwork, you can have my firstborn but not the paperwork._

And who the hell had kicked the man's puppy? Guy had look _tragic_ sad, not depressed sad, not just plain sad. _Tragic_. Zack wasn't sure how he managed it, but Blondie looked like he'd been told he'd never get laid again.

Maybe he wrote poetry? Saved up all that nasty sad energy to write…stuff…on paper that'd confuse the hell out of Zack later?

Whatever. Had other stuff to worry about. _He_ might not ever get laid again. ShinRa wasn't big about letting guys break in and get away. Castrate'im for sure if they knew he hadn't caught the guy.

Wasn't sure if he should tell Seph about the…er…incident. Probably land him in hot water if he did. But if Blondie dropped by to talk with Seph then…yeah….

He was screwed.

Eh, it could wait. Had a paintball game to referee. Seph had stuff to do, right? Couldn't interrupt the man. Commanding officer an' all.

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_Everyone _wanted to be perfect. All of SOLDIER wanted to be _him_. Just…given. Truth. Was what the world had told him. He was the Glorioso General of ShinRa. Posterboy for SOLDIER, admired by _all_.

_It must suck to be perfect._ What'd the guy mean? Why'd he said it? Just _how _did being perfect suck?

It was work to be perfect. Painful, time consuming work. Sure he didn't really understand people all that well, had spent too much time in the labs getting needles poked into him and experiments run. He didn't have that much freedom either, his time always structured, his days planned down to the last minute.

But perfection was worth it. Right?

So _why_ had this…nobody said it _sucked_ to be perfect? And then just _left? _Not even President ShinRa had the guts to just _leave_ like that.

Oh there was a flag. Salute. Fold it properly. Done. Awards, medals, and recognitions on the wall were out of place. Straighten them properly. Done.

Work. Time for work. Too much thinking. He'd go mad. There was his office…

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Going back into the past wasn't as easy as Cloud wished. But somethings has gotten a lot easier. Being around Sephiroth had gotten a hell of a lot easier.

Awe? Hah. That'd been killed a _long_ time ago. Anger? Been a gradual decline. Guy'd been crazy. He knew 'bout being crazy. Nothing you could do about it.

Funny, all he had now was a kind of melancholy pity for the guy. His future _sucked_. Was even worse than Cloud's and _that_ took work.

But it was still funny to watch the man try to understand it.

_Who are you? What did you mean? _Sephiroth sure looked confused. Like he'd never been told not everyone wants to be 'perfect'. Wasn't like it was that hard a concept…

_Well, I'm not important and I meant exactly what I said. I'd hate to be perfect. _And Sephiroth still looked like he didn't understand. Déjà vu.

_You have SOLDIER eyes but no one knows who you are. Why? SOLDIER does not produce nobodies._ Sigh. Knew that question was coming.

_I was never in SOLDIER. _Well, it was the truth. Didn't have to go into detail. _Check the records. You won't find me. Anywhere. _

Oh. Oh that didn't make Seph happy. Not at all. Man was scowling up a storm at him. Ah well, he'd seen the man do worse. Not that scary anymore.

_How? _

_It's not important now. Are we done? Is your mind at rest? _Oh no, he was using _Vincent-like_ mannerisms. Great. Make the man _more_ curious. Or maybe just stunned? Guy was _staring_ again. Like he'd just grown an extra head.

But he was running out of time. They'd just have to continue this conversation later. Time was a-wasting. Planet ran a tight schedual.

Plus he needed to get his ass out of there before he said too much. New job had its perks but talking out of school wasn't one of them. Get in deep shit for that.

_Guess not. Well…I dunno, think about it. You'll see me again, I think…It's not really a hard concept anyway…_

Leave. Leave now. Before he blurted out anything stupid, just sound nuts anyway…

Cloud had what he'd come for anyways. Detailed medical and psychological info about the General in front of him. Plus the official passcode for the ShinRa labs. Need it for later.

Couldn't afford to officially exist yet. It'd been just his luck Seph had spotted him and Zack had decided to look him up. Exactly how the hell was one supposed to infiltrate ShinRa unnoticed if half of SOLDIER and the _TURKS_ were looking for you? 'Course he didn't know if he'd be hanging around for long either.

Hopefully it'd be cleared up for now.

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So he wasn't the best people person. So sue him. Sephiroth could win any war ShinRa could throw at him. Could plan a winning strategy for any battle quickly and effortlessly.

Hadn't the faintest clue what to think of the blond man in his office. Yeah, he'd thought one small chat with the stranger would allow him to figure out exactly where the man'd gotten his confidence, his Mako, his air of tragedy, and his reasonings for thinking perfection sucked.

That plan had flown out the window the moment he'd walked into his office and found the guy there. Talking had only confused him further. Guy just…said it like everyone _should_ know what he meant, like grass is green or water is wet.

Sephiroth just didn't _get_ it. Everyone'd wanted to be him for his whole bloody adult life. He had it _made_. Sure getting there hadn't been a cakewalk but it'd been worth it to be the envy of everyone.

So where did this guy get off on telling him perfection sucked? And why wouldn't he explain?

And…hey, he wasn't supposed to leave, Seph wasn't done with him yet! Why the nerve…guy'd pulled that stunt once already and he'd be _damned_ if he'd let it happen again!

_Wait! We're not through here!_ Guy just looked at him. Odd. People scraped and bowed to that tone.

_No, _I'm_ through for now. You'll see me again, but I don't have time now. _Well. This was different. Not quite what he was used to. Definitely not what he was used to.

Oh. Guy was gone. And his mouth was still hanging open. Oh. Guy _said_ he'd see him again later. Think on it. What did the man _think_ he'd been doing? Composing an anonymous love letter to Hojo just to piss the man off? Done that once come to think of it…it'd been funny…

Paperwork. Which was all over the floor of his office. Unsigned paperwork. Ah. Now _here_ was something he could do….

Now review. It doesn't take much.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Not mine. Say it with me.

A/N: Thanks you guys who reviewed, you're awesome! Keep telling me what you think, C&C is always welcome! Now I realize this chapter's a little short and I promse there'll be more Zack soon. Yes I'll have all three meet up together soon, be patient!

Sephiroth was _annoyed_. In his opinion, life was _meant_ to be lived in a sort of grey, vague, numb haze. That was just how he'd always been since as early as he could remember. Strong feelings connected to people or things…he didn't have those. Couldn't understand how people did.

So to have _any_ feeling connected to the odd stranger passing through town was _very_ odd. And annoying. Especially a strange half-familiarity, like he _should_ know this man but it was just out of reach.

Dealing with people on a personal basis was one of his least favorite things. Orders, a commander-soldier relationship, _that_ he understood. It was a balance of power and final goal he was well-versed in. _Years _of training had taught him how to deal with almost anything on the battlefield.

Personal relationships were minefields they didn't publish a universal manual on. Fool-proof methods simply didn't exist and Sephiroth intensely disliked how…chaotic, trivial, and _stupid_ people were. As far as he could see people didn't _learn_. They watched others make mistakes, then repeat them, then repeat them again. _Then_, instead of learning what _not_ to do, they repeated the mistakes they'd just seen. And people wondered why nothing changed. Would shaking them until their teeth rattled help?

He by far preferred the battlefield to the desk. He was killing things in the simulation room now. Maybe he spent too much time here? Nah.

A field strewn with death was his natural habitat. Dodge the red dragon. Ice3. Hojo had raised him in it and he'd never felt completely at ease out of it. Midgar Zolom to the left. Fire3. _Normal_ people who'd never killed in their lives he'd never be comfortable with. They were too soft, too idealistic, too…happy. Nibel wolf behind him. Dead.

How could they understand what life _really_ was? YingandYang. Earth3. A maze with no end, a rat race with no exit. You ate, slept, ran around desperately trying to convince yourself you were _happy _(whatever that meant), fucked whatever pretty body would take you, and then you died. Ying dead. Now for Yang. It was a cold, merciless place where the Turks could make anyone disappear, where a company which cared only for itself ruled. Yang dead. Excellent. Everyone had to fend for themselves.

Oh fuck a Tonberry. He hated Tonberries. This might take awhile.

Sephiroth let his mind drift as he went throught the tedious routine of slash, stab, dodge, rinse, repeat. His mind ran predictably back to the strange blond man who was ultimately responsible for his presence in the simulator.

Something was…different about the blond. Guy had some purpose, he was sure of it. Hanging around in Midgar wasn't something he did for fun. Sephiroth got the strong impression he wasn't particularly fond of Midgar.

Meant the man'd eventually leave. Now for some reason the thought was unpleasant. _His_ didn't up and leave, wasn't _right_, and….

Wait, backup, wha…? Since when did he start classifying strange men he'd barely met as _his_? ShinRa must really be driving him crazy…Maybe Zack was right and he needed a vacation….

Zack. Now there was another thought. How had the stranger known who was looking for him? All of SOLDIER simply thought Zack wanted to speak with a guy he'd thought had _balls_, was worth knowing, and might be a valuable assent for SOLDIER. Only Zack knew _Sephiroth_ was the one who felt strangely compelled to speak with the man.

He must've spoken with Zack.

Time to investigate. Maybe he had finally gone off his rocker but he was deterimined to know _everything_ there was to know about the blond. He was getting to the bottom of the odd, familiar, yet alien, yet not-quite-alien feeling he had about the man.

Be out searching for the guy if he'd actually thought he'd find him. But seeing as SOLDIER _and_ the Turks hadn't been able to find the man, might as well acknowledge he was probably licked in that department. _Said_ he'd show up again, anyway…

Slash, stab, dodge. Well, as soon as this thrice-damned-son-of-a-cesspit Tonberry died he'd see Zack. Might take an hour or two… Damn Tonberries…took _forever_ to kill…stupid little knife happy freaks of nature. Now that could actually be applied to Hojo….Slash, stab, dodge….

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He was dead. Had been for a few years now.

For Cloud it was a surprisingly liberating feeling. Life wasn't such a big deal anymore, but a grey haze, far unhappier and gloomy than death itself. Death gave him peace, quietude, _contentment_.

He wasn't the tortured soul unsure of whether he was sane, how much of his mind was his own, what the hell would happen if he forgot his own strength, who he would fail, who he'd failed already, and worried if Sephiroth would suddenly reappear to wreak more havoc while cackling madly, setting things on fire, and trying to attract huge extraterrestrial rocks.

In other words, he was content and sure of himself and his surroundings for the first time in years. It was a very odd feeling.

The only facet he still held onto like glue was his sadness. He still mourned what had happened in life. But it no longer over powered him anymore.

Now he still _felt_ everything he'd felt in life, but it was in perspective. Just different somehow.

So he wasn't a depressive anymore but a fashionably melancholy and mysterious individual. Now he was back wandering the streets of the living fortune tellers were always trying to sell him something. Psychics thought he would be prime meat. Fakes.

'Course the many many many years he'd actually lived before finally throwing himself into the lifestream had helped him come to grips with a lot of his…issues. Managed to outlive all of AVALANCHE. Always thought he'd die first. They'd all mobbed him once he'd 'crossed over'.

Then the Planet had the lovely bright idea of sending him to 'collect evidence'in the land of the living. Apparently Gaia'd thought it 'only proper'(her words not his) to wait with Sephiroth's 'sentencing' until Cloud was there. When he'd asked _why_ her explanation had been so convoluted that he'd just told her okay, fine whatever, he'd do it.

Crock of shit, in his humble opinion. Smelled a rat. Especially when she'd sent him back into the past. To collect files he was pretty sure she already knew inside out.

Reason he couldn't afford to become Midgar's Most Wanted. _Why_ did Sephiroth always have to make things _difficult?_ And why couldn't _Cloud_ keep his own big mouth shut and say something about how impressed he was with the Glorioso General?

Just hadn't been able to do it. Gone through so much 'cause the guy'd _always _been told he was bloody perfect, (though people often hated him for it too. Nobody could identify with perfect, so Seph'd been pretty isolated really.).

_Damn_ it was a pain in the ass, seeing the guy who'd killed his mom as another human being. Couldn't just remember him as _that crazy bastard sonofabitch_, nooo Gaia'd had to send him back. So he could see the man as a _sane_ guy.

As his old hero. _That_ hurt.

Hopping through a rabbit hole back into the 'afterlife' wasn't fun, but he had shit to drop off. Maybe a walk would help clear his head afterwards. He liked the endless field of flowers area, it was soothing.

A/N: Yes, Sephiroth is really fighting all sorts of random baddies while he's thinking. Now,Gaia's reasoning _and_ a few of the original AVALANCHE members'll show up in the next chapter. Would've put it all together but I'm not done writing it yet... Review? It's really easy _and _completely painless. Really. Thanks again to all the wonderful folks who reviewed, you're awesome!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Well, it's not mine. 'nuff said.

A/N: Sorry, sorry, I know I've been making you all wait. I'll try to update more often, promise. Have the chickenpox right now. Twenty and _now_ I get the chickenpox. Life hates me. Yes there's a cliffhanger, next chapter should be a long one... Thanks to all the lovely people who've reviewed so far! I really do appreciate it, and please keep on reviewing I like knowing what people think as the story goes on!

Dropping off the files was the easy part. He simply left them in one huge pile where Gaia'd said to put them. Someone else (probably Aeris) organized them while he was gone.

So he was literally in the middle of nowhere. And right next to a…caged in living vines Sephiroth. Or his spirit. Or whatever.

_This_ Seph was very much insane. At least, Cloud hoped he was. He hadn't met any sane being as prone to ranting about Puppets and Failures in his life. The man simply _never_ shut up, he was always talking. Aeris said she'd once spent two hours trying to have a conversation with him and he'd just gone off ranting the whole time. About _his_ Puppet.

The rest of AVALANCHE (the Turks too had all dropped by to add their own personal warnings) considered Sephiroth highly unbalanced and completely obsessed with one Cloud Strife. Mother and destroying the world must've gone out of vogue.

Considering how often he kept telling Cloud he was a failure, it was somewhat ironic. Cloud put it up to the Jenova cells himself. Ah, there he goes, he's going to start yelling orders.

_Free me Puppet!_ Really now, the man just didn't learn. He'd said the same thing the last four times Cloud'd been down here….

_No thanks, you get what you pay for I guess… _Heh. He could really get used to an off-balance Sephiroth. His facial expressions were _great_.

_What?_ Yep. Utterly baffled. Where was a camera when you needed it…Oh right. It'd be rude to not explain.

_Well, it's kinda like the business man at the airport joke, where there's this sign that says 'Free Tibet' and he says 'I'll take it!'!...Never heard that one, huh? _Sephiroth the Insane was speechless. Ah things were so different these days. _But you could seriously use some new lines dude, maybe some synonyms for free. Like 'release me' or 'liberate me'. Or you could be _really_ dramatic and go with 'Give me Liberty or give me death!' _

_Enough of your sass Puppet! _Cloud winced. The man could still _roar_….Time to go. Seph'd keep on yelling about him being a puppet and a failure until he was out of earshot. The man was nothing if not predictable.

Now, what to do, what to do….the lab was next on his list. Then a quick visit with all his old pals. That, he was looking forward to.

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Alright, this was new to Zack. Dealt with a lot of distraught, off-center soldiers in his time. Never an off-center General Sephiroth. Man was the epitome of self-control and cool. Couldn't recall ever seeing much emotion from the man come to think of it…

Nevermind. Definitely seeing emotion now. Wasn't quite sure what _kind_ of emotion he was seeing, wasn't sure _Sephiroth_ knew, but definitely _there_.

Zack'd been minding his own business, done with his paintball game and everything. Been headed to the lab to get some paperwork delivered. Maybe to see if any of the assistants where cute, they got new interns about this time of year…Ran smack dab into Seph as he'd been coming down the hall from (Zack was making a very educated guess, but he _knew_ the man spent way too much time there) the simulator.

So here he was. With a strangely worked up Sephiroth. Hell must've frozen over.

_He's spoken with you hasn't he?_ Being put on the spot wasn't new to Zack, but having it done by an…upset…Sephiroth was _very_ new. Very disconcerting too. It wasn't like he was _really_ upset but _any_ upset was very…weird…and scary…

_Ah, he, sir? You mean the blond dude? _Subject change. Must find a subject change. Now. Ah. Got one._ Can't keep on calling'im that sir, been thinking we could call'im Spike, 'cause of his hair an' all…._ No, subject change hadn't worked. Seph was giving'im the suspicious look now. Oh shit…

_He's been to see you hasn't he? _Ah, that seemed to piss Seph off for some reason…oh not good… Maybe he'd better make a confession after all. Might be better for his health…

_Wanted to know why we're all out lookin' for'im. Took my reports hostage, had to tell'im you wanted to talk to'im sir…peeved'im out a bit that we hadn't just gone up to'im and said so sir. Left real quick. Couldn't catch'im. _

Seemed to calm Seph down abit. Why was he so weird about this guy? Did he know'im? If he wasn't smack-dab in the center of this mess, he'd find it hilarious that some random guy had managed to get under the skin of the Glorioso General without even trying. Guys and gals had been workin' on doing that for _years_ man. Zack made a mental note to buy the blond a beer.

_You know'im sir? _Curiosity killed the cat, yeah, yeah, he knew. But he had to ask…

_No…. I don't know…maybe._ Upset the man again. Smart move Zack. Subject change. Go.

_He been to see you sir? _Facts, yes or no questions, that'd calm the man down. The familiar always did.

_Yes, he did. Wouldn't stay long. He said he'd be back…_Man made a noise Zack took for frustration. So that was eating'im? Spike was an elusive bastard?

_I can keep askin' guys if they seen'im sir. _Now that calmed'im down. Zack mentally patted himself on the back. General felt powerless, give him some way to exert control over something. Made'im feel better. Whew.

_No, that hasn't been effective…_ Seph was _definitely_ off in his own little world there. Ah, well, Zack'd keep an eye out for the guy anyway.

Wait. Wasn't that'im right there? But how? There weren't any doors there and unless the man'd just come out of a _wall_….

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Getting around inside of ShinRa wasn't _hard_, at least Cloud didn't think so, but it wasn't easy either. SOLDIER hadn't trained their guards well, but _man_ ShinRa'd put a lot of money into their surveillance equipment.

He'd even spotted them in the bathrooms. Ew.

Note to self: never have sex in a ShinRa building unless you want to be on camera. Right. Like that was going to happen anyway. Honestly, was there a _less_ romantic place? He'd felt hornier in the Mithril Mines. Ugh.

But hey, he didn't have to worry. He technically didn't exist, so he didn't show up on camera. Could go through walls too, but it took _energy_ to do _that._ Being dead had its perks but Cloud preferred to keep his sneaking skills polished anyway.

Getting to the lab was a piece of cake. His sneaking skills were _good_. ShinRa had air vents _everywhere_.

Oh shit. There were Sephiroth and Zack. _Why_ did they have to bloody stalk him Cloud would _never _understand. Well. Maybe not quite never. He did have part of Zack's soul and some Jenova hanging around in him somewhere.

Well, it didn't mean he was less _annoyed_…

Gaia _had_ to be _planning_ this just to annoy him.

Take two seconds and review. Painless wasn't it?


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Not mine. Cross my heart.

A/N: Well, it's longer and I've added Aeris into the mix! Hopefully it won't confuse anyone. Slowly getting over the chickenpox...if I wasn't contagious I'd pretend I was a zombie for Halloween! It'd be very convincing, wouldn't it?

Sephiroth was beyond annoyed now. He was _peeved_. Not in a rage, that would be totally out of character, but definitely beyond annoyed.

He'd been stewing. It'd taken _way _too damn long to kill the Tonberry (evil hellspawn he was just _sure_ were somehow responsible for the birth of Hojo) and he'd predictably spent the entire time thinking. About a blond. Who'd gone to see Zack first.

That pissed him off. It just did.

It was completely illogical and he knew it. Sephiroth felt he might've become the new King of the Illogical since _everything_ connected with the blond was. And he just _had_ to be obsessed with every detail.

But _his_ should bloody well know who to got to and….there…was the _his_ business again.

Part two of the reason his head had been aching for several hours.

Possessiveness wasn't _normal_ for him, not in people anyway. Sword and materia, yes. People no. He didn't even like people. But he had an odd feeling of…something like ownership over the stranger. No, that wasn't right. Connection, but more like the man had something, some part of him, and it was his but it was the man's and….the headache was getting stronger…

So why the hell hadn't the dumb blond noticed?! It was _extremely _vexing. This man wasn't _meant_ to ignore him, to exist completely independent of him. Just…wasn't meant to.

No, he didn't have the foggiest clue why.

Talking to Zack hadn't really made him feel much better, but the man had asked nice, simple, _logical_ questions which had calmed him greatly.

Knew there was a reason he hadn't crucified the moron for his practical jokes.

Well, speak of the devil, there was the blond himself. Zack really was right, they _needed_ to find out what his name was. Just calling him "The Blond" was going to start the worse kind of rumors…And it made him snigger mentally at himself. Sephiroth the Great obsessing over a blond….

_Hey-o Spike! What brings you here? And, ah, how did you get here?_ Sephiroth blinked. He hadn't even thought of that. Zack was much smarter than he gave the First credit for. Or perhaps he was just that distracted.

_Zack. General. _Oh that annoyed him too somehow. The man _knew_ his name, why didn't he bloody _use_ it? _Here for a few files. Air vents. _

_Air vents?_ Alright, he did sound like a parrot but what did air vents have anything to do with files or getting here? You needed three keycards to get to this lab. Zack merely made a sound that was suspiciously like _Eh?_

_Air vents. _The blond…Spike…was nodding contemplatively._ ShinRa's run them through the whole building, best way to beat all the lines on the way up. Rush hour right now, everyone's on break. _

_So you just crawled through? And it's faster?_ The vents must've never occurred to Zack since he seemed to think it was a novel idea. It was, but one shouldn't be so obvious about it…

_Uh-huh_. Spike had moved to the door of Hojo's prized lab (no the man wasn't there. Otherwise he'd be using a different simulator. One farther away.) swiped a card and pressed some buttons.

_So you _are_ a ShinRa employee._ Not really surprising everyone worked for ShinRa…

_Nope. Just borrowing it. _He blinked. Zack gaped. Unconcerned, the stranger took out a few files and started taking pictures of them.

Zack recovered first. The man must be insane. _Dude, you're gonna get busted! There's cameras everywhere man! _

A snort. Elegant response to a kind warning. _No worries. Won't show up on any of them._ A nut. Just another total nut. Man needed a keeper, really he did…

_Come again?_ The General tone normally got the most wayward of his troops in line instantly. With groveling. Didn't _completely _surprise him anymore but still managed to put Sephiroth out when none of this occurred. His blond was completely unconcerned. Damn his thing again.

_Well, I won't. Technically, I don't exist. You're really talking to a ghost. _The man just calmly put his files away, packed up his camera, and left the lab. He and Zack stared.

_Very funny_. Oh good. He wasn't the only one peeved now. Zack was too.

The smile the stranger gave _should_ have been a hint. It was mischevious, amused, and superior.

_Ah, but isn't it? Ta-ta! _The arm waved as the man disappeared into a wall. Sephiroth looked at his First. Zack stared back.

The part of his mind that _wasn't_ screaming _Oh my god the man just went through a wall!_ was cursing up and down how _his_ blond had left. Again. Without permission. And without leaving his name.

A thud made him stop glaring at the offending wall.

Zack had fainted. Joy.

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Across the border of life and death, the one member of AVALANCHE was equally disgruntled.

But for totally different reasons. Her main one was the ex-General-turned-genocidal-maniac in a cage.

Who was demanding to know where his puppet was.

_He's safe and sound, no need to be worried over him. _Aeris was hoping the man would shut up, she had organizing to do. Files were _such_ a bother. Maybe she'd get them all transcribed onto a chip or something, make it all easier…

_He's not _here_, I didn't give him permission to go. Should be here._ _He's _mine

Enough was enough. She was sick and tired of listening to Seph-the-insane lay claims to ownership when the whole mess was really his own fault. Maybe. He might not've known it at the time…

_Technically he's not yours at all. _Technically_ as things stand _you_ are his. And he can ignore you all he wants because that bond's a one-way thing. _

Oh honest to _Betsy_ she'd been right. He had no idea, did he? Well how could he, it wasn't like he was a true Cetra anyway…Planet didn't exactly have a manual on these kind of things either…

_Explain_. It was the sanest thing he'd said in the past twenty minutes she'd been there. But if _she'd _been the one in the cage Aeris supposed she'd be abit cranky too. But _still_, Elmyra had taught her _manners_.

Maybe she'd better talk to Barret's wife Eleanor. Now there was a woman who could teach this man to mind his tongue. And oh dear she wasn't explaining now, was she?

_Well, you see silly, _you_ put part of your soul into _him_ not the other way around. And yes it _did_ let you control him for awhile in life until he figured out how to deal with it, but you don't have any of his soul. So he gets the final say in your afterlife, a…Sephiroth-radar, and you just get a very strong desire to hang on to that part of your soul. _

Aeris mentally smacked herself. Now the poor man looked _very_ upset. And perhaps a wee bit saner? Perhaps she'd been too harsh? Maybe it'd been good for him? He'd eat a fly if his mouth stayed open any longer...

_Mother said it wouldn't effect me…I gave him part of my soul?_ Stunned, that's it, Sephiroth was stunned. His 'mother' ought to have known better. No wonder the boy'd turned out so badly. All that bad mothering…

_More forced it on him, but yes, it's the same idea. The other 'clones' were no longer sentient beings with souls so they didn't actually meld with yours any. Cloud's was the only one. Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz were separate entities connected to you only through Jenova, so they don't count either. _

_I…see…I must think on this…_

He wasn't going to keel over, was he? No he was sitting down, he'd be alright. Aeris felt relieved. It'd take some time to sink in, then he'd probably be back to yelling obscenities again… Maybe Ivory soap….

But that's for another day, she had to teach the trio of Silver Haired Men to paint today. She had paint-by-number and _everything_. Nanaki would help, he was so good with children...

You. Review. Now. Go. Shoo.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: Still here! All better! This chapter was a wee bit difficult coming out. Hope you all like it. Thanks to all the wonderful folks who reviewed! It's what keeps the story going! Go review my other stuff too while you're at it.

Too much coffee. Way too much coffee. Caused hallucinations. Yep. That was it. Zack was _very_ sure that had to be it.

Dude, there was no way some guy could just go through the bloody wall. Just…no. Except Seph'd seen it too. And caffeine didn't really do anything for him. Poor guy. Zack wondered how he functioned.

Drugs were _necessary_ to getting through life. Go crazy without them.

Maybe he'd gone crazy anyway? Damn, why was he thinking this much? It'd yesterday when had…ghosted through a wall. Hadn't talked to Seph about it. Wasn't sure he wanted to. Where Spike was concerned Seph acted…weird.

But Zack _really_ needed to know if he was crazy. Or if the world was.

_Everyone's crazy. Get used to it already._

Zack froze. Knew he was alone in his room. Knew he compulsively locked his door (all those horror stories they tell small town kids about the city had _definitely_ taken root). Knew he hadn't heard anyone come in. Knew that voice too.

_Oh hi Spike. Are you like psychic too? _Don't look at him, he's not real. Don't look at him…

_No. You were mumbling to yourself. _He did not mumble damnit! Alright, he muttered. Sometimes.

_Oh. _Don't look at him. Zack has officially lost it. _So…ah…why is a ghost hanging around with the living? Got unfinished business or something? _What was the name of that dude on the radio? The one who talked ghosts into 'seeing the light'? Would that work anyway?

_Hell if I know. _Huh? What kind of self-respecting ghost didn't bloody _know_ what they were doing?! Zack was…flabbergasted. Horrified. Shocked.

A hand flicked the hair in his face. The hair moved. Oh. Oh boy. Delusions were real. Or his were.

_Real_. _You're. Real._ That was a stutter. Yep. Definitely a stutter. Zack did _not_ stutter. Ever. Well. Except now anyway…

_For now, yeah. _Zack wondered why Spike looked so sad. Wondered about a lot of things though. Just add it to the bottom of the list.

_How'd you die?_ Had to ask. What _else_ did you ask a ghost? Spike was laughing at him. Dying was a joke in the afterlife?

_Which time? I kept getting sent back._ _Wish I could just _stay_ dead. Even now I'm back here! _Bit backwards. Zack figured most dudes really wanted to live. Lots of doctors made money off that.

_Wha'cha doing here? _Zack _really_ wanted to know, damnit! First ghost he ever met and all he got was 'I don't know what I'm doing here'? C'mon!

The blond man considered. Set the piece of wood he'd been twiddling on fire. Pulled his hair. Stared off into the distance.

And finally answered.

_This is silly. I'm because I decide the fate of another soul. Just…coming to grip with a few things…so I can make a ruling…_

Really was unfinished business afterall. Made sense. Zack appreciated getting told all this. Spike was _totally_ worth knowing. Hey, it was like a real-life ghost story! Great story to tell around the campfire.

Guy wasn't a half-bad ghost either. Spike'd made'im faint. Man _knew_ what he was doing.

Still. Better leave the fainting thing out of the story. Ruin his image totally.

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Cloud had done a lot of things he'd never expected. A _lot_ of things. But he'd been getting better lately, expecting the unexpected.

Spilling his guts to Zack was not on his to-do list. But he'd done it. Somehow he didn't think Zack quite got it. Call it a hunch but the blank face probably meant most of it had gone over the SOLDIER's head.

Call it a hunch.

Although he hadn't lied. Really _didn't_ know what Gaia wanted from him now.

_Go make peace with your past. _

Okay. Couldn't he just move on or something? Cloud had a sneaking suspicion he was being entertainment for a rather bored Gaia. Or something.

Why couldn't she have just sent him to a therapist? Or given him amnesia?

'Course she'd never done things the simple way. And here he was in the land of the living. Again. Jeesh it was beginning to sound like a disease. _Living. _Ick.

That and the triplets had decided to try baking in the afterlife. The smell of burning was one he didn't really like and it was _everywhere_. Yes food could be burned in the afterlife. If one really put effort into it.

Aeris just _had_ to try and teach them cooking. Why not macramé or calligraphy? Those didn't smell so bad…

So here he was. Visiting Zack had just kinda happened. Been in the area and realized Zack'd been nearby. His Zack-dar wasn't _quite_ as good as his Seph-dar but it worked well enough.

_Dude that's awesome! It's like an opera plot or something! Like that one with the guy and those blond chicks with the winged helmets and stuff…what's it called…I forgot._

Cloud wondered how Zack went from his _very_ abbreviated explanation to opera plots. Brain damage? Very possible…

Speaking of Seph-dar…the man himself was on his way here. Time to go. Cloud really _really_ didn't feel like dealing with him right now. Especially since he was judge, jury, and executioner over his soul _and_ wasn't sure how he was going to rule on it.

Killing the man was one thing. Everyone died. Sentencing souls…that was something else. Mortals just weren't _meant_ to sentence souls. And…oh bugger all. Just really sucked.

_I have to go now._ Being dead really made leaving a lot easier. Just – poof - and you were on your way.

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The most surreal thing about the 'Wall Incident' as Sephiroth was beginning to term it was that _Zack_ had fainted. Big, strong, First-class SOLDIER. Man's man. And he'd fainted. Sephiroth had been sure he'd never see _Zack_ faint.

He'd been wrong.

Zack was _never_ going to live this down. He'd make sure of that.

Didn't change how annoyed he was. Obsessed. Sephiroth the Great did not obsess over random strangers. Even dead ones. Especially dead ones. Who he couldn't find a shred of evidence had ever lived to begin with. Who'd gone to see Zack first.

It was irritating.

Going to see Zack wasn't really a solution but he wanted to talk to the only other person who'd seen the stranger go through a wall. If it'd just been him, Sephiroth would've simply written it off as his own mind finally snapping.

He saw lots of things most people didn't. But ghosts was a new one for him.

Too bad Zack was the only one he could discuss it with. Stimulating intellectual conversation was not his strong point. The buster sword was.

But Zack'd have to do. Sephiroth knocked on the First's door. It was common knowledge the man always locked it. Even when he was drunk. Often with his keys inside and himself out.

_Hey Spike was here! You just missed 'im. Found out he's got unfinished business or something. Said he was 'responsible for the sentencing of another soul'- whatever that means – an' he's just coming to grips with some stuff. _

When excited Zack talked. A lot. He'd forgotten that. Sephiroth found himself being dragged into Zack's rather messy room but if he could find out more about the ghostly stranger he didn't mind _quite_ so much.

Still had to give himself a mental shake as he felt the previous irritation at _his_ blond's insistence at going to the _wrong _places. Then he gave himself another mental shake for the _his_ business again.

Maybe a mental slap would work better. It was all still there. Simmering in the back of his mind. Now was not the time to analyze it. Ah. Zack was still talking. Better pay attention.

_Know what? Poor dude didn't seem very happy about being here. Sounded like he'd had a few brushes with the afterlife and really wanted to stay there. Hope he gets to…I dunno…see the light? Find his peace? Rest? Can't remember which one it's called these days._

No. No. No. Zack was a _moron_. The stranger belonged here. Why couldn't he see that? And…exactly why did a dead man belong back with the living? Nevermind. Logical thinking was obviously on hold for now.

_I see. Did he say anything else? _Focus.

_Nah, just up and said he had to go right before you came an' knocked. Looked really troubled. Then POOF an' he was gone, sorta like the wall thing but I was kinda expecting it this time. But…he _is_ real, isn't he sir? I'm not crazy and hallucinating 'im am I?_

The question brought an instant kinship. He'd been wondering the same thing himself.

_Yes, he's real Zack. Many, many people have seen him. Actually half of SOLDIER stationed in Midgar probably has. They were all at the bar that night. Most remember him. The rest don't remember anything._

The memory spurred others to the forefront. What files had Spike been looking at? Why did he need them? Perhaps it was time to find out.

_Get some rest Zachary. We have a mission tomorrow._

_Ah, yessir._

Finally there was something he could _do. _

_Review. Review. Review_. Is the hypnosis working? Maybe just a little?


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Hey, news flash gang: It Ain't Mine. Why do I bother with this anymore?

A/N: This chapter is...long. It ran away with me. This will be one long tale. Kudos to all the lovely folk who review and thus keep Calm posting more chapters for the rest of you lazy ones to read! Enjoy!

Mornings were _not_ Zackary Fair's friend. _Mortal enemy_ didn't even begin to describe how much Zack hated'em. 'specially 4:30AM mornings.

Who the hell got up at that godforsaken hour, damnit? And how did the General _function_ without caffeine this early anyway? Man, now that was a trick he wanted to learn.

Maybe it was some ancient Wutainese secret the guy'd picked up during the war? Did he give classes?

Cold shower almost woke him up, but nothing did the job like coffee. Nothing. Zack swore by the special extra-potent-triple-condensed brand of espresso he drank. With lots of cream and sugar to cover the taste of course. Black coffee was nasty stuff only edible in a state of emergency.

Not knowing _why_ the Glorioso General wanted him up at four thirty in the fucking morning wasn't helping either. All the man'd said was _Be up and ready by oh four forty five hours. I'll come for you. _And left.

Without an explanation. He bloody better get bonus pay for this.

Least he wouldn't be kept waiting. Seph was nothing if not punctual. Yep, four forty five on the dot and there was a knock on the door.

_This way._ Still no explanation. Zack felt a headache coming on.

Following orders was all well and good. Was in the military, duh he'd be following orders. Even personal missions for the General were okay, but when it was probably about a ghost and the General was acting mighty strange, Zack felt an explanation was in order before they went and violated a whole shitload of ShinRa policies.

_Sooo…what're we doing? Sir._ Alright, the sir had been kinda tacked on at the end and maybe it _had_ been a bit insolent but really there was no need for the man to look at him like _that_…Groveling was in order.

_Sorry sir. _Follow in silence. That he'd do. Easy. He'd even stop slouching. And…why were they at his office?

_When did he come see you, Zachary? _

Zack mentally cringed. Maybe he wasn't the only one out of sorts this morning…come to think of it though, Seph always did seem mighty put out whenever the topic of Spike coming to see him came up. Was the guy convinced Spike was an enemy spy come back from the dead? Now that sounded like a James Bond-meets-The Messengers kinda thing! And…oh wait…Seph was giving him the Look again…what was the question? Oh yeah, he remembered…

_Er, a week ago? Last monday…_ Why did that matter? Zack hoped the General'd explain what the big deal was.

_Do you know how long he was in your office Zachary? He came to the lab looking for files, do you really think he wouldn't look through your office? _

_Oh._ Well, no. Hadn't thought of that. He'd just checked that his porn collection was intact. Seph was wearing a long suffering expression.

_Exactly. Check your files, see if there's anything out of place or missing. _

Wait. Seph'd woken him up at four thirty for this? To look through paperwork? SOLDIER definitely wasn't all it was cut out to be…

A thought occurred to him.

_What're you gonna do Sir? _Nothing made Zack nervous like an irate Sephiroth glaring at him from the corner. God, he hoped the man wasn't going to just _watch_.

_I'm going to check the computer log Zachary. I hope you haven't been playing Solitaire this whole time..._

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Computers Sephiroth understood. He liked computers. They were logical, they made sense.

It was in spite of this fact that he was glaring at the computer screen. What he was seeing was not pleasant at all. His errant blond had hacked into numerous sensitive files…and he'd decided to just go with whatever part of his subconscious that demanded he label the blond man as 'his'.

Who knew what he'd find if he actually untangled the motivations behind it. Last five times he'd tried he'd given himself a migraine.

He'd try again later. Couldn't seem to help himself. But for now he could be irritated by something else.

Namely that all of the hacking had been done into files about him or Zack. At least, those were the only connecting feature. All dealt with SOLDIER missions from the Wutai War or other mental evaluations about himself or Zack.

Why was a ghost researching two very important SOLDIERs? And why hadn't the idiotic blond just _asked_ him? Sephiroth was strangely sure he would've told him anything he wanted to know…and he really needed to get his head examined if he was going to go spilling his guts to a _ghost_ he'd barely known for a week.

Deep breath. Take a mental step back and think about this _logically_.

Item one: Half of SOLDIER and the Turks had been out asking after the man.

Item two: He'd gone to see Zack for the express purpose of finding out why.

Item three: He'd gone to see Sephiroth himself to demand why he wanted to talk to him.

Item four: He'd…probably ransacked his office too. Just like Zacks. Shit.

Item five: He'd made copies of top-secret laboratory files.

Item six: He didn't work for ShinRa, had Mako eyes but he'd never been in SOLDIER…but that could be a side effect of being dead too…

Thinking logically was not helping. Sephiroth took another deep breath.

Did he have an undead stalker or was he stalking the undead? Did it really matter? Where were his migraine pills?

_Found anything Zachary? _It might've been a tad unnecessary to keep the First-class on edge like that but he wasn't really feeling all that charitable at the moment.

_Yeah…my alias ID is missing and so are some of my psych evaluations. I think he took a few other ones too but I'm not really sure…_

What did he want to do with psychological evaluations? What did he need them for?

He really needed to talk to the ghost. There really wasn't another way to sort this all out. But finding him might be a problem. This time he'd left no assurances of returning…now that was an unpleasant thought…

_What do you know about the occult Zachary?_

_Er, not much? _

_Then we'd best get to studying. We need to communicate with a ghost. _

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Cloud Strife was tired. Nothing unusual there. He bet he could do a pretty good impression of a zombie right then.

The film he'd taken of the lab files was finally developed. One of his favorite hobbies was photography so he could do it all himself, but did Gaia have something against digital cameras? Hadn't been able to find one _anywhere_.

Wasn't why he was tired though. No, it was the thought of having to deal with the insane version of Sephiroth. More the reminder of the decision he'd have to make than anything else.

Hey, maybe he could just procrastinate for all eternity! Nah. His last New Year's resolution'd been to stop all that…

Well. Time to bite the bullet, he had a crazy man to visit and some pictures to drop off.

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The walk over to where Sephiroth's…soul was being held was actually a nice walk. Cloud found it refreshing. Lots of greenery and flowers. He'd always had a soft spot for them since he'd met Aeris.

The silence when he finally got there was…odd. Something had changed but he sure as hell didn't know what.

_The Failure Puppet's here, aren't you gonna rant now?_

Dealing with a guy who was always raving about how he's a failure and a puppet was just easier than dealing with another _person_. Figured if the man was stark raving mad then he was just that crazy sonofabitch who'd burned down Cloud's hometown, killed Aeris, and tried to destroy the whole friggen' planet.

Being reminded he was human too really wasn't something Cloud wanted to deal with. Interacting with the past Sephiroth was bad enough, but seeing glimpses of him in the crazy one was even worse.

The caged man was making a sort of mirthless chuckle which made Cloud cringe.

_Puppet…heh…and now I'm the puppet too, what does it matter?_

Huh? Hadn't someone explained this to him already?

_Guess you didn't know, huh. _Damn he wasn't good at this kind of thing! _Er…you okay?_

If asking a guy who'd tried his damnedest to kill you if he was okay wasn't weird Cloud didn't know what was. From the half-glaring, half-horrified look Sephiroth was giving him, he wasn't the only one thinking that.

_Okay?! My soul's not even in one piece, I'm facing eternal hellfire, and the bond I feel is one-sided! Of course I'm not okay!_

That was all he complaining about? Cloud had been dealing with shit like that for _years_.

_You'll get used to it. _Pause. _Don't look at me like that, I know the feeling. You get used to it. Just what happens. Try not to think about it too much, that helps. _

Sephiroth just stared. Fine, if that's how he wanted to be. Was good, practical advice. It worked.

_Don't think about it too much? What else am I to do? _Cloud nodded knowingly at him. Anger came first, it was all part of the process.

_Alright think about it. Won't change anything, won't make sense, and you'll end up with a headache. Trust me on this. I know. _

The man had the grace to look ashamed of himself for the first time Cloud could remember since he'd lost it. Good. Knew it was a bit vindictive but the man'd put him and lot of other people through hell. Bit of self-loathing and humility would do'im good.

_Would you like a book or something? Might keep your mind off things. _

Now that got a stare. Cloud smiled. Things sure had changed.

_Here, I've got a few on me...there ya go._ Hey, he read, Seph had no business giving him such an incredulous look. Wasn't like he was just an illiterate thug. Stereotypical thinker.

_Ah…thanks._ The ex-General was giving looking at him like he'd announced Aeris was an assassin, Vincent knitted, and Cid would read smutty romance novels before he'd watch porn. Whatever.

Wait, what the …? An Ouija board. Who the hell wanted to contact him with…nevermind. He knew who.

He glared resentfully at Sephiroth.

_Does your past self really have to bother me 24/7? An Ouija board! Do you realize how dangerous that can be? Bloody idiot…this better've been Zack's idea…_

And he was gone, leaving a slightly amused, slightly bewildered, and completely shocked Sephiroth behind him.

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_This better work Zachary._

Sephiroth the Great was feeling like an idiot. An Ouija board? They'd actually have to _spell_ everything?

He supposed it was better than nothing, but still…

Zack was giving him a reproachful look.

_Got a better idea Sir? _

_Unfortunately, no. Proceed. _

For some reason he was nervous. Having a ghost just appear was one thing, but trying to contact him if he didn't want to talk… Sephiroth feared he'd be rather upset if the man didn't answer.

_I am addressing the ghost Zachary and myself have met on several occasions. Are you there? _

Been prepared for the board to move slowly. Been prepared for it to not move at all. Had not been prepared for the board to jerk out from under his hands and start shooting along the alphabet.

_I'm getting' it all! _Good. Zack was on top of things in the spelling department. Hopefully.

He watched the board spell out words.

T-H-I-S I-S R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S

When a hand that wasn't his and wasn't Zack's came crashing down on the board Sephiroth jumped. Zack yelped.

_Do you even realize how dangerous an Ouija board is? What were you idiots thinking?!_

It was the first strong emotion he'd ever seen from Spike and he was taken aback by it. What was that saying? 'Always look out for the quiet ones'?

_It's not a big deal, dude! Guy at the occult store said it's perfectly safe. We jus' couldn't think of another way to talk to ya, ya know? _

At least that transferred the glare from himself to Zack, for which he was very thankful. His blond glared like he'd torched his hometown and killed his mother…honestly, what they'd done wasn't that bad…

_You…you…Never touch an Ouija board again, alright? There's lots of nasty things out there you can let in and doors you can open that shouldn't be. Just…don't._

Watching the anger drain out of the man was as odd as seeing it to begin with. Sephiroth wondered why a ghost would look so tired and grey, like all the color had washed out of him. Not that he'd had much to begin with – though really _Sephiroth_ was one to talk there. He barely had any. But wasn't the afterlife supposed to be restful?

_I'm not at your beck and call you know. Shouldn't try to contact me. 's not how it works. _

Part of him registered his blond was directing the statement at himself. Part of him noticed Zack was looking back and forth between them with a lost expression. Yet another part of him was furiously angry the dumb blond didn't understand how connected they were.

The logical part of him was gaping at himself in horror. Perhaps if it had smacked him instead then he might not of opened his mouth and stuck his foot in it.

_Are you sure you're not mine to call?_

Icicles were hanging off the words. Zack turned three shades of white. But it was the look on Spike's face that made him regret saying it.

Fighting in ShinRa's wars had let him see many many facial expressions of anguish, pain, and horror. The ghost's expression managed to put all he'd ever seen to shame. How he did it no one will ever know.

_I – _Well how exactly was he going to fix this? He had no idea. Really should've taken that interpersonal communication course. He made a step toward the ghost without really knowing what he intended to do. Reached out a hand to grasp the ghost's arm, just to bring him back from whatever horrors he was momentarily reliving.

Shouldn't have done that either. It felt oddly natural to touch the specter, familiar and yet not. Almost as though there was some sort of bond…

Spike ripped himself away faster than anyone Sephiroth had ever seen. With enough strength to break his grip. He mourned the loss of contact, even through his ever-present gloves.

No one was strong enough to break his grip. What. The. Hell? Was this normal for ghosts? And…oh.

While he had managed to bring his blond back to reality, he fervently wished he hadn't. The man was giving him the single nastiest look he'd ever seen.

_You can't own souls. Not mine, not anyone's. You never learned that, did you? _

He spoke calmly, but the tone was awful. It was a combination of anger, disappointment, and pain. Something about it finally shook Zack out of his frozen deer-in-the-headlights stance. Just as Sephiroth was about to say…he had no idea what he was about to say.

_Seph shut the hell up! Spike – man – you okay? He didn't mean it, he's just been cranky all day and – _

Now he was the frozen one. Not another poof, they hadn't even gotten to talk to the specter yet! Be all his fault if the man did leave too…

_He meant it Zack. Believe me, he meant it. _Zack made a frustrated noise before shooting a glare at his commanding officer.

_Hey, you're not gonna just disappear forever, are ya? 'Cause I think you're a really cool guy and it'd be a real shame for ya to just go poof forever._

The earnest tone might've done it. The glare Zack was giving Sephiroth might've done it. Hell the word poof might've done it, but it made Spike burst out laughing.

_No I'm not going to go poof forever. Not yet anyway. . . Least I don't think so. Planet might have other plans…I can never tell. _

Sephiroth was very glad the ghost had recovered from…whatever that had been.

_Now what was so important you needed an Ouija board to ask me? _The tired look was back, along with a large dose of why-can't-these-people-leave-me-the-hell-alone.

Time to let the cat out of the bag.

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The General really knew how to be a bull in a china shop sometimes. Zack figured even _he_ knew better than to start implying he owned people. Never made anyone happy.

Thankfully good ol' Zack was there to save the day. It was what he did…well…almost what he did best. After chugging beer, screwing pretty girls…nevermind.

Seph had opened his mouth again. Zack elbowed him in the ribs. The man was _not_ going to upset Spike again! He'd done it already. Poor guy.

_Actually we were just wondering if you wouldn't mind explaining…ah…er…well. _Maybe Seph had the right idea afterall. Might be better just to blurt it out. _Seph is utterly and completely paranoid and I'm really curious an' we'd kinda like to know what you're gettin' files and looking shit up on my computer for. If you don't mind explaining that is._

Had he said it too fast? It was very possible, when he was nervous Zack tended to run all of his words together. Made understanding a bit difficult. His speech teacher had recorded it as an example of what not to do…

_I'm judging a soul. Didn't I tell you that already?_

Oh shit, Seph was giving him the Look, the really displeased one. Well, he _had_ told the man to shut up, elbowed him in the gut, _and_ interrupted him. His ass was totally toast. But...he'd deserved it!

And while Zack had been having an internal monologue he was now speaking. Zack fought the urge to bang his head against something. Hard.

_But why are you collecting information mainly about myself? _

Trust Seph to go straight for the jugular. For a General the man had very little social finesse.

_Well if someone had half of SOLDIER and the Turks out looking for you, just to talk wouldn't you be a bit worried about why? _Spike was amused.

Point to Spike. Why hadn't they thought of that?

But why did he get the feeling that wasn't all of it?

_I… suppose…_

Holy hell. It couldn't be. Sephiroth the Great was _blushing_. A flash went off to his left.

And Spike'd just taken a picture.

Zack made a dive to get out of the way. Spike was a ghost. He could take care of himself.

_What the…! _

_Nu-uh. Camera's gone. Promise I'll bring you duplicates! _

Zack really did admire this guy. He had _balls_.

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Now this was blackmail material. He finally had stuff to use on Sephiroth the Great.

Cloud figured this was worth the Ouija board. Those things were bloody annoying. Made a nasty high pitched sound for awhile if you didn't answer. Hated 'em.

Lots of ghosts did nasty shit to idiots who used an Ouija board.

Cloud didn't blame them one bit.

Was also _very_ glad Seph was embarrassed over his…stalking. It wouldn't stop the man for long, but it might buy Cloud enough time to make a decision and disappear from the space-time continuum forever.

Really looking forward to that day.

But really, was it that hard to put two and two together and realize Cloud was judging _Sephiroth's_ soul?

But he was biased. Didn't count.

Why was the man stalking him anyway? And why the highly disturbing moment of 'ownership'? Had almost felt like he was speaking with the crazy version…

Did this Sephiroth feel some kind of bond too? But his soul was whole! Wasn't it?

Aeris had some questions to answer. Whenever he felt like getting her away from the triplets anyway. They thought he was their awesome big brother who they all wanted to be just like. Terrific.

Why did he always get saddled with difficult stuff?

Better do the insubstantial thing. The General was recovering from his shock. He'd probably try to whack him one now…

Wouldn't work. But he could try. Yep. He tried.

There went the table. Oops.

_Nice aim_. Two steps to the left so he didn't have to share the same space with the man. It made conversation difficult.

Plus he wasn't a huge fan of innards as a view. Nice things to have an'all but not good décor.

_Hey, good news! You're arteries are not clogged. Congratulation. _

The looks on both SOLDIER's faces was priceless. Completely priceless.

He took another picture. Might as well live in the moment, right?

Make it a Kodiak moment. It was a good note to make his exit on.

_You'll see me again, don't worry. _

Best to make sure they didn't try anything stupid again, at least not with an Ouija board. They'd do something else completely idiotic instead.

Leaving them both staring was just a bonus. Aeris had some questions to answer…

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_Zachary_.

_Yessir? _

_We have another mission. Same time tomorrow morning._

_I hate you Sir. _

_I know Zachary. _

_Sources say hypnosis is a no-workie. Review and I'll give you...gingerbread? Does everyone like gingerbread? I can do sugar cookies too! With frosting!_


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: otnay inemay. Pig latin. Move the first letter to the end and add -ay. Fun stuff.

A/N: Sorry, my comp took a crap. And the Aeris muse kinda turned into a monster. She's a very twisted gal in my head. Don't worry, she isn't the deciding factor on anything. Thanks for all the reviews guys! They keep Calm writing! But hell, all my readers are awesome! Had over 5000 hits on this thing. Is that normal?

Not knowing all the information about delicate situations which could suddenly spiral down into disaster at a minor slip _because_ he did not know all the info was par for the course to Cloud. Hell, if people _started_ telling him all he needed to know he'd've been convinced they (or he, take your pick) were on some very powerful halucinogen.

Or the world had actually ended. Been there when it'd been going to end and folks were not more forthcoming. Damn hoarders. Didn't their mothers ever teach them to share?

Par for the course. Right.

Didn't make it any less frustrating.

This was a _Gaia-given_ mission! There simply _wasn't_ a higher authority than that! Should be giving him all the info he bloody needed. Should've given it to him a week ago. Or at least yesterday. On a silver platter, damnit. With a thank-you note.

It wasn't like he was asking for a Ferrari or the keys to the Honeybee Inn…honestly…

Doubly frustrating to Cloud was that it was _Aeris_ doing the withholding. Usual torture fall-back method wasn't allowed here. Gr. Now he had to pry it out of her. Without thumbscrews. Live was just so _difficult_.

Really should've taken his ma's advice and become a dentist. Yep, then people could pay him to inflict pain on them… Be so satisfying…maybe he could find a college. Never too late to go back to school, right?

_'Ris. Talk. Now. _

Thumbscrews would've gotten it out in maybe half an hour. Spent an hour here already an' he still had piddle to show for it. Aeris could be incredibly annoying at the wrong times… Maybe he should threaten to lock her up with Hojo.

Nah. The 'Torture Hojo' line was _way_ too long for that. Guy'd pissed more folks off than Seph an' Rufus combined. Scary.

Think flower girls, think flower girls…now it sounded like he was planning a mental wedding…

The flower girl in question was figeting. Bad sign. Meant she'd lied - no, she'd just conveniently forgotten to tell him something - knew he knew that she'd done it, felt bad, and didn't want to come clean about it. Bet she'd never won a game of B.S. in her life.

_But Cloud - _Next sign, the You've-Wronged-Me-Look-How-Innocent-I-Am face. Tifa and Barret always fell for this face. Always put Aeris and Barret in the same party. She knew how to wrangle'im. Best to use all available resources to make AVALANCHE run smoothly, right? After she'd died Vincent could just scare Barret into agreeing.

_Don't 'But Cloud' me. Talk. _

There it was. The Ultimate Girl Weapon. Tears. If men had written that book Tifa'd made'im read once - what was it called? Pride and something. - it'd say 'It is a truth univerally acknowledged that _pretty_ crying women are Up To Something.'

Key word there was _pretty_. The one or two shiny drops running from her eyes, with a wet lacey fringe of tears clinging to the eyelashes. Make up still in _perfect _place (everything - including boss fights - stopped once the eyeliner was smeared. Until Yuffie'd revealed an ancient Wutainese ninja secret - they tattooed their eyeliner on.). No eye puffiness to speak of. One or two cute little sniffles.

She'd managed to kick Reno in the crotch once 'cause of those tears. Cloud made sure he was out of range. Just to be safe. Aeris was prone to fits of 'for-your-own-good' behavior no one ever thanked her for. Safe was good.

No, _real_ tears were not so pretty. Involved lots of mascara-running, eye rubbing, puffy redness, and prosaic nose blowing. He could always tell the difference. Zack, now, that was a different story.

Zack could be pretty oblivious about some things...

Damn he was getting off topic.

_Aeris Gainsborough those are crocodile tears and I demand an explanation of why the past Sephiroth is doing the crazy I-own-you possessive shit. I need to know 'Ris! _

Heartfelt pleas were the way to go with Aeris. Threats with Yuffie. Sweet talk with Tifa. Basic survival skills needed when interacting with the females of the species. More deadly than the male. And moodier. Bad combo right there.

_You always know when I'm faking! How? Zack can never tell the difference!_ Like he was going to give the enemy an advantage? Hah. Then she'd be invincible! Never. She already turned evil once a month and could not be defeated, what more did she want?

_That's 'cuz it's Zack. _

_Oh...Right._ Point.

_Now explain! _Time for the Patented Leader This-Is-Vital-Information Glare. Made lots of gil teaching a yearly seminar on it. He'd died a millionaire. Worked every time.

_I didn't mean to leave anything out! Really I didn't but I didn't know how to tell you and I really didn't think it'd matter anyway and it's awkward and - _Oh no, it was one of her apologetic-determined fits. Those could last _hours_ when she got up to speed and then she'd try to 'fix' things. Better nip this in the bud.

_'Ris. _No reponse. Volume up._ 'Ris? _Still nothing. Better crank the volume again. Add some arm waving too. Gotta snap her out of it somehow! '_RIS! _Whew. It worked. Hadn't figured out what to do if it hadn't. Thank Gaia. _It's alright, but could you give me the Reader's Digest verson now please?_

Tacking on a please never hurt.

_Take notes you will be quizzed on this after class! Here's the deal: souls kinda transcend time so no, his soul isn't whole. I told you it didn't make sense! Don't give me that look. Gaia said something about time and layers an' everything happening in one instant. I don't know how it works it just does. Anybody'd be alittle protective of their soul too, and Sephiroth's a possessive guy so he'll be extra possessive of it. Problem is he doesn't know it's missing, but he subconsciously realizes it's his and belongs in him. So yeah, he's gonna be possessive of you. Remember that._

Well. That was alot of info. Alot of info. Need time to digest all that.

_I see..._Well, no he didn't but hey he'd never _lost_ part of his soul, just had it shredded. Different thing entirely. _Lemme get this straight: He shoved part of his soul into me for all eternity and never realized it? _

_It was the part he was least in touch with, so it's not like he ever used it much anyway. Hojo and Jenny-o the Space Turkey saw to that. _

_An' he's possessive of it subconsciously and 'cause it's part of me he's possessive of me, right?_

_Yep. You pass the quiz Cloud. _

_Then why doesn't Zack care? I've got part of his soul too!_

'_Cause it's Zack and he loves to share._

Had the odd feeling he'd missed something important Aeris was implying in that conversation, but couldn't figure out what. Wasn't sure he wanted to know either. The innocent face was a total front. Aeris had a very dirty mind. Knew it first hand. She'd been trying for years to get him and Vincent to star in porn movies.

_Cloud?_

_Yeah?_

_You might want to go check on...the..er..past Zack. I think he's trying to mess around with the Ouija board again._

_Damnit all! _

And he was off again. Stupid living people. At this rate he'd never have this decided before the poker game!

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Standing in the flower filled field alone Aeris just had to wonder about her boys. They were both nice, strapping, pretty young men with hero complexes and mental instability. And when it came to certain areas they were both hopelessly oblivious.

The wheel was turning but the hamster was long gone.

Well, they might not ever be mental chinchillas but it was a step up from the guene pig. 'Course chinchillas had an extreme aversion to water so maybe it was better they were mental hamsters…

Either that or Cloud was okay with the idea of Sephiroth the Great thinking part of Cloud belonged _in_ him. Men. They never picked up on hints. Aeris didn't really think it was a hint, considering she'd out and said it and meant it literally.

Althought it was probably just her wishful pervy mind working overtime. Was her pet theory right now, and she was trying _hard_ to convince Zack – the dead one – she was right.

He'd looked mildly horrified. Something along the lines of _My two best (_it wasn't strictly true but he liked to think it)_ friends and I didn't know?! Can't be._

Oh how she wished she could be a fly on the wall when Cloud realized exactly what she meant. That would be a conversation! Probably wouldn't happen for awhile though. Cloud hadn't asked what part of the General's soul he had. Silly boy to think souls were just big blobs of energy! Each bit held an _aspect_ of someone.

In her opinion Cloud ought to be thankful it wasn't the man's urge to eat otherwise he'd've made the poor blond into a main course. Or it wasn't something to do with drinking. Vampirism on top of insanity would've just taken the cake.

Actually, _everyone_ ought to be thankful. At least Sephiroth hadn't been out raping folk left and right. She'd always wondered about that until she'd died and been told the truth. Wouldn't any red-blooded male with a god complex be out collecting a harem of beautiful women - or men, depending on his preference - ?

And Zack'd always said his boss was asexual. Just something about him. Zack had put it down to prefering the 'thrill of battle' and bloodlust. He'd also been so off-put by the thought he'd never tried to figure it out further. Made sure all his meat was well-done from then on.

Not that Sephiroth himself would be much better. From what _she_ could tell he just hated being out of control of himself in anyway. Hojo all over that one. All those tests and drugs. Bad parenting. Always bad parenting...

Better step up her campaigne to convince Zack so _he_ could tell Cloud when he demanded to know _What the fuck-?_. Poor Cloud. The _only_ one Sephiroth was really going to be attracted _to_, not just having a biological function with. Kind of like the difference between _sex_, wonderful orgasmic sex, and the Stoic way of calling it an 'exchange of mucus'. People and their theories now...Sephiroth was going to be so confused!

Tehe!

All Hojo's fault. _There _was an unsexual man if she'd ever met one. How he'd managed to father a son - and she wasn't so sure it wasn't Vincent Valentine's child either - she'd never know. Lucresia Cresent must've been a very frigid woman. But since _Hojo_'d been the one to raise him it was really no wonder at all Sephiroth was rather out of touch with the..er...reproductive part of his soul.

That and he'd been injected with Jenova cells since before birth. Jenova was female. No wonder the poor silly boy was confused. Still it was _Sephiroth_, THE General of ShinRa, who wore a bondage outfit all the time and wouldn't know how to not be in charge if he was gagged and bound.

But while Cloud might be unstable - that had improved over the years, she was _so_ proud! - he wasn't one to just roll over and follow orders either.

Aeris wondered how it would turn out. Hopefully the world wouldn't explode. This might not've been one of Gaia's brighter ideas. Like allowing Hojo to live.

Wait. Hojo. She had to go tell him. He'd have _kittens! _Never forgiven him for what he did to her boys. Or Vincent. Never. Telling him and watching him stew would be _great_ revenge. He'd _hate_ the idea! Especially since it was all his fault. _Everything_ was his fault. Including Sephiroth not killing the 'Failure'!

And as for Cloud, he'd always be one of her boys. Sephiroth would just have to share him. Probably with Tifa too. Really, the man ought to charge for his time. He was in demand! It was pity she'd never been able to convince him porn was his true calling…They'd've been rich by now…

She went skipping off to where Hojo was held. Hojo torture was _very_ popular these days. Hopefully the line wasn't around a corner again...she really wanted to watch!

But she _really_ wished her pervy theory was right! It'd be so much fun! And she'd put far too much thinking into it for the thing to be _totally _wrong.

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Zack figured Sephiroth's joy in ordering missions at ungodly hours of the morning was some twisted form of revenge on the world. Probably had something to do with Hojo being a morning person – if the man ever slept that was. Zack'd never seen it an' he'd been posted for duty outside the lab a few times. Swore the man was _always_ there. Didn't matter what the hour.

No sleep might explain a lot of things about his personality. That or the creep was experimenting on himself. Wouldn't put it past'im. Dude would do _anything_ in the name of science.

Preferred not to think about that one. One of the interns had said Hojo was _way_ fonder of ducks than was healthy. No, no not going there. No. Shit. Too late.

Still, did the General _have_ to be so bloody vindictive? Wasn't like _Zack_ had made'im wake up early, damnit! Not his fault. Hadn't even _known_ about it. Hadn't been out of training diapers when it'd started.

Zack filed it under the rest of the injustices committed against his person and made a face. Gulped his coffee. Tried to figure out what they'd be _doing_. Bet it was centered around a ghost. Was going to ask Aeris the next time he saw her about unhealthy fixations an' how to deal with'em.

She was so good at counseling. Could've opened a clinic by now. Seph should go see her. This ghost-thing wasn't _right_ somehow. Creepy. Or maybe it was just that the guy was _dead_ and Seph still insisted on bugging the poor dude. Some afterlife, the Silver General ragging at his heels like a beagle after a fox. Complete with the compulsive 'Hey look I found something!' barking beagles did.

Zack'd had a beagle when he was little. Damn thing barked like a nutter at _everything_. Mom'd said it was the perfect dog for him. So like his owner.

If Seph had a dog it'd be a bloodhound. Grumpy-looking and completely unstoppable once it got a scent. Spike now, he'd be a fox. Elusive bastard. But the hair was more like a chocobo…

Damn it was early. Was seeing mental pictures of Spike followed by a herd of adoring chocobos. Give the guy a pipe an' he'd be the Pied Piper of the 'bos.

Needed sleep. Sleep. Hmmmm.

Maybe if he just used the Ouija thingie again Spike would show up and he could go back to bed. What was the worst that could happen? Dude at the occult store'd said it was totally safe. Expert opinion there. Spike didn't know any better…

The cracking sound behind him did not sound happy. Ya know, it seemed like someone was always pissed at him theses days. Jeesh. Must be that time of the month an' none of them were getting laid. Not that Seph ever got laid. Hell, he'd thrown some _really_ pretty girls – and guys – out of his room more times than Zack could count. Not that he could count that high but still.

Hoped the General was _not _into goats or chocobos or something nasty like that. Or ducks. Poor ducks. Bad mental picture. Bad bad bad bad… He'd seen a porn movie about some ancient general…Alexander the Great? Yeah that was it, an' he'd raped a duck…maybe that's where Hojo got it from…

Focus on the angry ghost. Focus.

_Er, sorry?_ Spike was glaring. Man could really _glare_. Zack wondered if he gave classes. Be a great way to make money…Oh right. Grovel.

_You…you…just…Argh. _He'd rendered Spike speechless! Cool. Took _skill_ to do that man! Point Zack! Do a mental happy dance with some cool winner music.

Spike stared like he'd grown another head with tame hair.

'_S not like there's another way to contact ya! Unless they've got dead mail or something. Be cool if they did – hey, tell my granny I said hi, k? An' that I miss her gingerbread men. Mom doesn't make'em right. Never did. Could you get her recipe? _

The nod he got was slightly stunned but nothing Zack wasn't used to. People tended to be a bit off-balance around him. Proud of it.

_Zack do you have your PHS around? Here give. Try calling that. _So ghosts had _phones_? Were they like, the phones that malfunctioned and died? Did electronics have souls?

And were all computers female? It'd explain why they were so damn moody. His threw a monthly fit too come to think of it… Could 'dead' files be recovered in the afterlife?

The ringtone was a pretty quiet thing he'd never heard before. Hard to hear, but sweet. Probably something in something minor or major. Kinda like Aeris' ringtone but not quite. Her's was something called _Air on a G-string_. She'd picked it 'cause of the name. One pervy gal hid behind all that innocence alright.

_Hhmm. Guess it works. But if people start prank calling me then your room is going to have it's very own poltergeist. _Not so much fun there. Wasn't like it was the cleanest place on earth but still, he didn't want stuff broken. Flat screen TVs were expensive.

Not to mention his fridge had stuff that could qualify as toxic waste in the back. Did _not_ want that coming out to play. Hey, it was mystery meat day in the cafeteria tomorrow – maybe he could donate it?

_Okay okay, can do! I'll even pinky swear on it! _Would too. No skin off his back.But having Spike's number could give him a lot of grief too where a cranky commander was concerned. _Ah, am I allowed to give Seph this? Could you possible do it yourself? So he doesn't gut me or something…_

A blink. And a nod. _Let's just keep it between us for now. Be too much like giving a stalker an address…_

Zack thought he totally had a point. _I'd've never pegged the General as the stalker type. Sorry man, didn't mean to get you stuck in this mess. _Hadn't meant to get _himself_ stuck in this mess!

'_s all right. I'm used to it by now. _Very dry reply there, but a surprising lack of bitterness. Guess it was just his lot in…well…his lot. Period.

Poor bastard.

Zack glanced over at his clock. It was 4:43. Better warn'im Seph was coming. Couldn't do much for the guy – was his commanding officer an'all – but he'd do what he could.

And he'd give Seph some lessons on…inter-personal relations or something. The obsession was probably here to stay so he'd best figure out how to deal with it. Hated mornings.

Aeris better have some good ideas about this. 'Course she'd probably put a pervy spin on it. Sigh.

When he turned around Spike was already gone. Guess that was all for nothing. Now he'd never get back to bed…_And_ the Ouija board was broken! Shit! Nevermind getting back to bed, Seph was going to _kill him!_ Shit shit shit!

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He was hearing voices. More precisely he was hearing two voices he knew far too well. One was Zack's. The other was his blond's.

It meant two things: One – Zack was getting late night/early morning visits for reasons he really didn't want to think about or Two: Sephiroth the Great was creating unintelligble murmers in his head for reasons he really didn't want to think about.

Sephiroth decided it might be better if he ignored both options completely.Otherwise he was likely to become violently angry – about either Zack and his blond or how he couldn't seem to center himself. Being out of control was the _last_ thing he ever wanted to be. Hojo's drugs had taught him that.

Along with the LSD Zack had put in the SOLDIER coffee maker. Nothing was scarier than 3D images of ducks. Too reminescent of Hojo and his abnormal…fondness…for them.

Yes, ducks were forever tainted in his mind.

It couldn't hurt to put Zack through a bit of extra torture for that, right? Especially since he couldn't beat the answers he wanted out of the man since he was _sure_ the voices were the product of his deranged mind, and….

Oh hell. Today was going to royally suck. Could feel it in the air.

Need to stop by the simulator at some point. Work off all that…whatever it was.

Perhaps he should knock instead of just standing at the door feeling slightly silly.

_Hey you're late by a minute Seph! Are you sick or somethin'? _Late? But he'd made sure to get there with five minutes to spare…

_I thought I heard you talking to someone Zack. _No that was not a loaded question. Completely valid reason for not knocking too. Now if he could only convince himself that...

_Oh…I…er…accidently broke the Ouija board…and I was kinda just thinking out loud 'bout what you'd do to me sir. _Mental sigh of relief. Zack's uncomfortable stance was explained and maybe he'd just imagined the specter's voice. If Zack'd been truly stressed he _could_ sound remarkably similar… But he threw a glare in just to see Zack wilt abit. Maybe he'd hold it 'til the First squirmed.

_I see._ Wasn't important. Spike'd said he'd be back. It was all that… mattered…chuck that thought in with the semi full of other ones he really didn't want to think about.

What had the man…ghost…_done _to him?

_Seph? You alright? Ya look kinda green… _Zack did _not_ need to know what he was thinking. At. All.

_Just an unpleasant reminder of ducks._

_Ewww! Hojo's waaaay to happy about ducks man! That's gross!_

The lab assistants all said the same thing. A sure-fire bribe was a bunch of ducks. Said something that the ducks were always dead when given.

_We're breaking into the lab today Zachary. Find the files our ghost was photographing.Then we'll go research hauntings and judgements. Something's strange about all this._

His instincts were never wrong. Even about Reno and his 'one-time' drag look. Man was _far_ too good at it for a one-time thing. Turned out he'd been at the assignment for a month. Sephiroth had won a pretty penny off that betting pool.

_Should he be worried 'bout why we're stalking the poor bastard sir? _If he was implying Sephiroth meant to hurt the specter - !

_Zachary! _

Time to sharpen his Glare of Death.

_Right-o Seph sir! _His First was much too pleased with himself.

Should've stayed in bed. It was a bad day.

But since he wasn't...Zachary would _pay_ for that comment later. Pay _dearly._

A/N: Review. Pretty please? Next update _will_ be much faster.


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